Friday, February 4, 2011

Ugh! work totally kicked my ass today. and i still have errands to run. my feet hurt soooo much. i want tacos.

Oh why do I feel this way....

Should I try to hide
the way I feel inside
my heart
for you

would you say that you
would try to love me too
in your mind
could you ever be
really close to me
I can tell the way you smile

if I feel that I
could be certain then
I would say the things I want to say tonight

but till I can see
that you'd really care for me
I will dream
that someday you'll be
really close to me
I can tell the way you smile
if i feel that I
can be certain then
I could say the things I want to say tonight

but till I can see
that you'd really care for me
I'll keep trying to hid the way I feel inside.
- the zombies.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Ramones

Its been so long since I've heard this song. So many awesome memories as a teen. Its so crazy how I grew up listening to all these amazing punk bands that no one my age cared for. I'm glad for my eclectic taste in music.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Family Fotos

Theres nothing more fun or more nostalgic than  digging through the family photos. I cannot believe all the memories I've forgotten! Heres some of me as a kid.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Relationships or lack thereof.

I've been single for roughly three months. It's been pretty rough emotionally. I always look back on the end of that relationship and can only feel perplexed and hurt at how much I gave to him and how little he cared or loved me.  I was always loyal and ever so loving. I feel so belittled and sick about the way I was treated. I would of done anything to keep him, despite the person he has become. I cried endlessly over him. I cooked for him, I cleaned for him, I washed his clothes, I drove him to work, I did a lot of things I'm slightly embarrassed about in bed with him, I never spent money on myself just so he could have whatever he wanted. I could never vent about shit that bothered me when I was having a crappy day. He only took it like I was angry with him. Any time he was hurting I was always there to comfort him. Did I get that in return? Rarely. I could never go away with friends/family for the day or even the weekend without feeling tremendous pressure by his being irritated. I felt so trapped.
All I ever wanted was to have someone to love and to be loved back. Somehow in the end I actually felt a huge sense of relief when he broke up with me. I was so happy to move back home to my family.  Though the first couple weeks I was devastated to see how happy he seemed without me. I could not for the life of me figure out why. I've been getting by fine alone. But god, there are times when I'd do most anything just for affection. :(
Just to be held, and be told everything will be alright. Someone to say "I Love You" and really mean it. I only want someone to be carefree with, doing anything and everything we want without interference. I feel in myself that I am a truly good person. When I love someone I mean it. Maybe thats my problem. I don't know...